break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
