remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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