Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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