captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
