Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
