i wish my penis had a tongue
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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