3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
