oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
