everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize