don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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