There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize