I got chris browned last night
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
