before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just forgot I was standing up.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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