Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
