the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?