I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
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He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH