when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize