We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The convent might be a nice break from real life