i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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