i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The beer is more important than you right now.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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