you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags