My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.