i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure