its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
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I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
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This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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