he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.