I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my shit smells like andre
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize