Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
