Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
