I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
