we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
