I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You ruined the universe
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
