I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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