Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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