I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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