the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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