I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
