Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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