i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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