You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
