If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You smell like a Billy Joel song
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
