I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
