i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
