I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
