what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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