Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
a search helicopter?!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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