good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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