Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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