And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
