Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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