I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
