what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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