I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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