Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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