can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
