About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
