planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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