Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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