he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
