I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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