did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
