I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
tell me about the fingering
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
