ya dads aren't the best wingmen
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
